Yet, this is a HOLY book?

And for all the emails that I receive trying to act like this stuff in the Bible doesn’t exist, is really a problem with the translation, and/or the stuff from the Old Testament “doesn’t apply anymore,” need to seriously reexamine their own sacred text. And don’t go there with me. I may be an atheist, but I went through 13 years of Catholic school and have read the Bible, have pored over specific passages and have lain awake on more than one night trying to make sense off all the disgusting stories that are in there.

And you know what I absolutely abhor? When you ask a Christian about the Bible, and reiterate the exact sentiments that are propounded in that book, they act like you don’t know what you’re talking about. Or they say some b.s. like “Well, it all comes down to faith.” Oh, that’s right. Faith is just the last vestige of an otherwise normal person trying not to give rational evidence as to why they believe something. In any other area of life, we would label the person as a hopeless pipe dreamer. For instance, a Mom could have a horrible, rapist-murderer son who steals from her every chance he gets to support his questionable lifestyle. Yet, when pressed why she doesn’t just kick his sorry a** out of the house, she’ll say “I have faith that my boy will one day turn out okay,” or “My boy is not a rapist or a murderer or a thief! How dare you!” So basically, the mother wants to believe that it will be fine in the end or simply be in denial. This is, of course, understandable. Who wants to come to terms with the fact that their son, their own flesh and blood, is a terrible waste of a human being. Most people wouldn’t. And the same is true of the Bible. When a Christian is presented with the facts of what are in the Bible, they get defensive, dissemble or act dumb with you, claim faith as a trump card against giving you an honest answer, or get enraged.

So called “cherry picking” is a very apt term of what Christians do with their book. When you bring up the horrid aspects of the Bible, they say “Oh yeah, well Jesus was cool!” As if Jesus makes up for all the crap in there. And Jesus himself was filled with contradictions. He condoned violence in a weird way, considered women dirty and antithetical to spiritual purity, was often contemptuous towards his own mother, never denounced slavery, and spoke of many parables that used some truly dysfunctional social hierarchies as its paradigm. That’s why the term cherry-picking is so nice. It neatly describes the practice of ignoring all the awful things while picking all the lovely and transcendent parts of the Bible. Because we’re Modern now. Most rational/civilized people do not believe it is acceptable to buy and trade human beings, systematically wipe out an entire race of people, subjugate women, kill and/or beat your children, a witch, or a homosexual,* or absurdly enough, need the aid of a priest to get rid of mold spores in your home. It’s called 409 people. You can get it in the stores. You don’t need the Bible anymore. It is the myth book of a Bronze Age people – mainly, the myths of some semi-nomadic and socially defunct Jewish men who had some serious problems with women, gays and other races. Not to mention they had problems with “flawed” members of their own group. Apparently, a Jewish man could not be a priest if he was humpbacked, had a growth problem (midget) and/or had his nads crushed. Ouch. It’s already bad enough that stuff happened to you. Then these hairy Jewish guys are going to tell you you’re not fit to be a priest. Wow, what empathy!

So anyway. If you’re a Christian or a member of any other religious group, please do not simply turn your back on people who ask legitimate questions. I’m an avid feminist and I have never turned my back on a legitimate counterargument someone has given me that shows women are hapless victims of the patriarchy. Women can be just as f**cked up as men. And there is plenty of evidence to account for that. But I would not turn my back on good evidence because of my ideology. But Christians in this country are given the privilege of being able to put themselves in a bubble against thoughtful inquiry. And it is indeed a privilege. Don’t believe for one second that atheists are a privileged group. We are SO not. We are not privileged on an individual or a social level.

So again, this is to all you Christians out there. Don’t turn your back on an atheist asking a question. And we’ll try not to get snarky with you!

*Yes, at the extreme end, the Old Testament does indeed tell people to kill homosexuals (probably just homosexual men, as homosexual women do not seem to be a concern for Bible patriarchs, as women didn’t count). But, at the very least, as a Christian or a Jew, you are compelled to think their “lifestyle” is immoral and should be condemned.

I realize this is a potentially classist thing for me to say. But this is how I feel. This is not necessarily rational. I want to be like Jennifer Aniston and just plop down a huge wad of cash to get skylights installed in my house. But no, I have to be some regular old Schmo and deal with the windows that I have. So unglamorous.

But all this does lead one to an interesting thought. There is a serious element of elitism within the environmental movement and especially the organic food and local movement. Even though you are achieving the same means – using less resources – one looks way more cool and hip. And dammit, how I want to be a hipster who looks like they’re not trying too hard.

There is this whole subculture/phenomena, however you want to label it, of DIYers (even the term was probably recently coined) who make reusing resources look cool. I really like this website called Craft Gossip that makes you feel less bad about being a broke college student. And I realize there are plenty of awesome websites written by stay-at-home Moms who know the real low-down on saving money and reusing resources. They’re just way too practical for me. I like to forget that I’m another college student strapped for cash, and believe that I am being resourceful out of choice!

Some great slogans read:

Sleep in on Sundays

Imagine no Religion

The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction – Richard Dawkins

Reason’s Greetings

Go to the FFRF website at www.ffrf.org and vote for some more cool bus slogans. You can even suggest one. I sent in one that reads:

Read the Bible. We need more Atheists.

You know why, because Mother’s Day is a Sham holiday. Now, I’m not talking about how certain individuals or households feel about their mothers. I’m talking on a national level and as a celebrated commercial holiday – Mother’s Day is all about making women who are mothers feel that they are important and deserve a day of recognition. The rest of the year, though, this country totally disrespects women and mothers. I mean, this country still tries to deny women access to safe and legal abortions! But, we love you…SMOOCH…here’s your flowers dear mother. Give me a break. This country in general disses women day in and day out, but there’s a holiday that’s supposed to make women feel like they matter.

Even my own mother, who is by no means a strident feminist like myself, badmouthed Mother’s Day. I called her up, and was sure I didn’t give my opinion first so as not to bias her, and asked what is her opinion of Mother’s Day. In characteristically super-cute broken English, she said it was a way for companies to make money and to keep women in their place. She then went on to tell me that back in Mexico, she knew two women who for Mother’s Day received a vacuum cleaner and ironing board for Mother’s Day! Wow, that is so incredibly blatant that I kind of respect it. “Happy Mother’s Day. We love you. Here’s a gift from the family.” Mother opening the gift. “Oooohhh, a vacuum cleaner! Now I don’t have to pick up lint off the floor anymore! You guys really love me. Muchas Gracias mi familia.”

Happy Mother’s Day! Enjoy your new vacuum!

I think I gasped with laughter on that one. And let me tell you again my Mom can be rather traditional about gender roles. She still chides me if I don’t make dinner every night and expects me to dote on my husband. But when she told me this, I was like, Damn, if my Mom is gonna put the smack down, then Mother’s Day is a sham.

All in all, I think Mother’s Day, like the totally un-PC Secretaries Day, is a way for our society as a whole to act like women actually matter. Women can be so blinded by this holiday and its negatively gendered overtones, that they can be deceived by a gift of flowers and candy, while the rest of the year, their family expects them to do all kinds of unacknowledged, unpaid, and socially demeaned labor. Woman on Pedestal as substitute for Woman as Workhorse. It happens with the deification of women in the main world religions. Pretend that women are socially powerful and holy and give them their own deity. But the rest of the time, be as misogynistic as possible.

Well, I don’t buy it. I am quite content calling my Mom almost everyday, telling her she Rocks the Casbah, and sending her gifts (that I can often make) when I damn well feel like it. Sorry Hallmark, you ain’t getting my money this year.

Personally, I have always been in favor of feminist vigilantism when the law and society does not come to your aid.

Feminism – Malcolm X style!

Malcolm X would organize groups of disenchanted black men and fight against white police officers who would come into urban areas mostly to harass and pick on black people. So they would fight back. The police had no empathy for them. And the judicial system is highly biased against black men.

The same goes for countries whose judicial system and society in general has no empathy for women’s travails. If a man harasses you and a police officer will not come to your aid, I say kick him in the family jewels! Knock him upside his head and run for it. And that is exactly what Egyptian women are doing. They are enrolling, in statistically significant numbers, in self-defense classes. And the numbers of women enrolled in these classes just keeps growing every year. The problem is bad enough where women are actually flouting entrenched ideas about their place in society and engaging in violent contact against male harassers.

Egyptian society did have a landmark case, though, where a young woman who was groped repeatedly by a man on the street, decided to take his sorry a** to the police. Amazingly, she won her case, and the man went to jail for three years! This is probably very good for women’s rights, as it was a particularly harsh example to set for men who think they can get away with this type of thing.  Check out the BBC news on this one.

Another interesting thing about this was that a women’s rights’ organization did a survey on the extent of sexual harassment in public places. According to the survey, the men who answered sure weren’t lying. Men were asked that if they saw a woman being sexually harassed on the street, would they do anything to help? Two-thirds of men surveyed answered (honestly) that they would help if the woman was dressed conservatively, but would help the harasser with his job if she was dressed inappropriately! Good to know. Now I know I can harass homeless people on the street because they wear shabbier clothing than I do – and feel vindicated by it. Muah-ha-ha!

Women have been dealing with this type of behavior for eons and we are not at fault for it. Men have some serious psychological issues and social privileges that needs to be addressed. If some guy tries to grab you or attack you in public, go ahead and kick him in the nads.

Anyways, the past two nights (in consecutive dream-order, not calendar date order) that I have had dreams, I had very vocal and opinionated atheist dreams. Who knew?! I always considered my husband, the opinionated atheist in the relationship, as The Atheist, and myself as an indeterminate quantity of atheist. So this comes as a shock to me.

In the first dream, I was telling a conductor that I had for one of my choir classes that Mozart’s Jubilate Deo is sooo exquisitely beautiful that it actually makes me disbelieve in a god! It seems amazing to me that God would kill Mozart at the young age of 35 (going on 36) and halt his development as the most brilliant composer of all time. It almost seems like God would want to prolong Mozart’s life as his ecclesiastical music was a beautiful homage to Him.

You know what my husband retorted when he heard about all of this. Maybe God is the Muslim God and didn’t want Mozart to praise the Christian God. Smart aleck.

In the second dream, I was apparently arguing with a Christian evangelist about how atheists are going to hell for their choice to disbelieve in a god. The interesting part was the line of argument I used in my dream. As a little background, I am definitely an opinionated and vocal feminist, and have always wondered to myself why, if men think so little of women and want to use them only for sex and domestic services, why form intimate relationships with such pathetic and vile creatures? I have always respected a consistent misogynist (The philosopher Schoepenhauer being an excellent example – who would never even associate with women). So, my argument against the evangelist was the same. If atheists are such evil-no-god-havin’ excuses for human beings, why bother preaching the Good Word to them? Just let them go to Hell. They don’t care about them anyways. But, ofcourse, my dream evangelist was like “But it’s my Duty to Save you.” And you know what my dream retort was, “Don’t do God’s dirty work.”

Geez, even in my dreams, I’m a smart aleck like my husband.

I never really thought about this until a good friend of mine from high school pointed out the male-bias in The Simpsons. And he is right. More episodes center on Homer and Bart than on Marge and Lisa. Precious few are about Maggie (though she is a baby, so that might be kind of boring). But the part that really gets to me is the fact that the side characters are so heavily skewed towards male characters.

Let me illustrate.

Here is a list of side characters that are important, visible, and receive character development.

Male – Mr. Burns, Krusty the Klown, Ned Flanders, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Reverend Lovejoy, Principal Skinner, Moe the Bartender, and Milhouse Van Houten.

Female – Patty and Selma Bouvier, and Mrs. Krabappel.

A ratio of 8:2. So 80% of the important side charcaters are male.

Now, here is a list (debatable and not thorough) of important and visible characters that receive little to no character development.

Male – Mr. Smithers, “Diamond” Joe Quimby, Nelson Muntz, Jimbo Jones, MartinPrince, Ralph Wiggum, Fat Tony (and other Mafia members), Troy McClure, Lionel Hutz, Groundskeeper Willie, Dr. Nick Riviera, Dr. Hibbert, Kirk Van Houten, Cletus, Fat Comic Book Guy, Lenny and Karl, Otto, Rod and Todd Flanders, Grandpa Simpson, Hans Moleman, Kang and Kodos, Professor Frink, Superintendant Chalmers, Bumblebee Man, Sea Captain, Barny, Sideshow Bob, Sideshow Mel, Kent Brockman, and Jasper (Grandpa’s friend), and Duffman.

Female – Agnus Skinner, Maude Flanders, Lunchlady Doris, and Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon.

Wow! That’s a damn difference. And I was being generous with the female characters. Again, there is about a 80-85% difference between male and female representation.

The barely visible side characters that reiceive almost no character development are a little more equal (sadly enough). And it is interesting to note that a lot of important male character’s wives are in this category.

Male – Dr. Marvin Monroe, “Bleeding Gums” Murphy, Akira (Sushi Chef), Luigi (Italian restaurant owner), Arnie Pie, Disco Stu, Rabbi Krustofski, Roger Meyers Jr., Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon, Rainier Wolfcastle, Squeeky Voice Teen, and Uter.

Female – Princess Kashmere, Cookie Kwan, Mrs. Hibbert, Mrs. Wiggum, Mrs. Lovejoy, “Mother” Simpson, and Mrs. Hoover.

The ratio for this is 2:1. So, for about every stupid female character you see, there will be two male characters to top them off.

So there it is. The Simpsons is extremely biased towards the representation of male characters. Which is really too bad, because it sends the message that female characters are simply not that funny. One of the funniest shows in the history of American television centered around the antics of a housewife! So I don’t believe men are funnier than women, or boys funnier than girls. The ironic part, though, is that the voices of the boys in The Simpsons are mostly done by adult women!

Now, I was brought up with computers and when I was a teenager, and I thought the internet was an incredible amount of fun. But, as I got older, it seemed like another practical thing to use on a daily basis – like checking email, bank statements, playing some games, et cetera. But, I seriously feel like the only 20 something that does NOT own or want an iPod, know how to send text messages (or want to receive them for that matter), or regularly check their Facebook page (which I do not have even though I am a university student). These things really shouldn’t make me feel awkward, but when everybody and their Momma and their Grandmama has an iPod, you start to feel like a weirdo.

So, a couple of days ago, I went out with some friends for dinner. Wow. I was literally transported to another universe of tech-obsession. I should mention that these friends of mine are almost 10 years my junior, which may explain why they acted the way they did. But let me go on.

We all order our food and sit down to chat. One of my friends starts pulling out a camera to take random pictures of stuff. So, out of morbid curiosity, I ask what she’s taking so many pictures of. She explains that it’s a thing on Facebook called “My Day,” where you literally take pictures of everything that happens in your day (including, and no I’m not making this up, taking a dump!) I just looked at her and tried very hard not to judge her. Oooooookkkkaaaayyyy….

It gets better. When the cashier calls out our name so we can get our food, these two characters I know just sit there and look at their cameras and cell phones, going back and forth over their asinine photos. I go to grab my food and am staring at them in amazement that they are so completely absorbed in this techno-bubble, that I just sit down with my food and the cashier has to bring their food for them. (And, may I add, they didn’t tip, and I did!) When we’ve all finished our food, one of them begins to wax supreme about how we have to go soon, that she’ll be late for another engagement. So I agree, say we should all get going and begin to get all of my stuff. So, I’m standing there with all my winter gear on when the other person suddenly decides that he wants to show some silly pictures of himself on his camera. Wow, how terribly fascinating. While I’m standing there! So, I had to sit back down, wait for him to go through his little ritual, and then we could finally all get up and leave.

I think this goes beyond tech-obsession, but just plain rudeness. I must have been this way when I was their age. It’s scary to think that. That you were once so self-absorbed, unaware of your surroundings, and just uninteresting.

Damn, now I know what my parents were complaining about.

Why does this little girl have an iPod and I don’t?!

Karl thinks he looks like an Iranian Steve Carell.

First, it assumes you shop at Whole Foods because everywhere else is EVIL and you obviously don’t feel good shopping at corporations like Wal-Mart, Sam’s Club, Costco, Safeway, Copps (the Midwest equivalent of Safeway),  Albertson’s, ad nauseum. The list goes on. The place that you can really place your trust into and feel good about shopping is Whole Foods and Wild Oats. Wait, sorry, Whole Foods just bought Wild Oats. Ooops. And Whole Foods is not trying to become a huge corporate conglomerate? John Mackey himself, the CEO of Whole Foods, has said his idol is Bill Gates and that we should be as capitalistic as possible concerning our business deals. Anyways….

Second, I have a huge problem with the “ethnic” crap that they sell at Whole Foods and try to pass off as “diversity.” First off, calling everyone else’s food except your own as ethnic sounds a little bigoted. Just a little. Whole Foods and other health food stores totally sell stuff that exoticize and commcercialize other people’s cultures. For instance, I saw a box of Zen Flakes. Zen Flakes. Really now. My best friend had a really interesting point about health food culture on this one. She said that American health food culture acts as if they discovered soy, when Asians have been making and eating it for thousands of years! She said they are like the “Christopher Colombus’ of Soy.” From my understanding and experience, whatever foods of other countries they carry have been extremely watered down and Americanized. I figure that if you’re going to buy “ethnic” foods, you should go to a specific store that caters to Mexican, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Italian, or all of the above and buy from them. At least they probably know what they’re doing and talking about.

There’s this wonderful store in Madison called Yue-Wah, where they carry Mexican, Indian, Korean, Chinese, Thai and Japanese food. You can see so many people of different ethnic groups buying food at their store and their stuff is good and rather inexpensive. I hardly see Caucasian people there, as the store is not in the best part of town and is an “ethnic” food store.

It’s interesting that the people who shop at Whole Foods don’t go to Yue-Wah (if they do, it’s pretty minimal). There, you can actually see racial diversity. Instead of just talking about it or reading about it, you can go and interact with people who are different from you ethnically and economically. You can purchase food and make delicious meals from the very ingredients that those said ethnic groups actually use. Sometimes I think Whole Foodies are so caught up in their ideology that they can’t step out of their box and challenge their comfort zone. Not like I’m perfect, but at least I try.

So, the real mantra on those banners and signs should read, Feel Good About Where You Don’t Shop (so you don’t actually have to interact with different groups of people but act like you do). Oooohh, that’s right, I said it!