Notions of Race in Eating Disorders
Ariela Haro von Mogel May 29th, 2008
For about 20 percent of my life, I suffered from anorexia and binge eating. I went for days eating like a bird, and then I would eventually scarf down a voluminous amount of food in one sitting. This, of course, caused me an incredible amount of pain. I would usually crouch in a fetal position, holding my faux-pregnant belly, yowling in pain. This was my own private pain. Only once was I caught. My mother found me on the floor when she came home from work early one day, and it caught me off guard. She was very worried and asked what was wrong with me. I told her that I just had an extremely bad stomach pain. She told me that stomach pain that extreme is not normal, so she called a doctor and made an appointment. The next day, I went to the doctor with my mom.
Now, let me just give you some background information. When I initially began “dieting” (a.k.a. anorexia), I lost 30 pounds in one month. I pretty much ate rice cakes, nectarines and yogurt everyday, besides the binge days, so I was pretty sickly looking. My mom took me to a doctor, and this middle-aged, white man, after taking a blood test, told me I had anemia. He was very short with me, told me I needed to eat more iron, and I was off.
Because of how I was treated by the first doctor, my mom thought it would be a better idea to take me to a different doctor. She specifically took me to a clinic that mostly serviced Hispanics and blacks. I was sent to a Hispanic woman doctor, who already knew my mom and courteously greeted us as we came in. She took one look at me, peered into my ears and mouth, as well as checked my stomach and back, and then politely asked my mother to leave the room. She then looked me straight in the eye, and asked point-blank if I ever wanted to be white. I was extremely taken aback by her question, as it seemed irrelevant and rude. I am sure most people would have been taken aback by her question. I looked puzzled and she asked me the question again. I responded that, yes, I suppose I have wanted to be white. I then asked her what this had to do with anything. She told me that it is traditionally uncommon for Mexican women to have eating disorders, that it is mostly an American phenomenon that is predominantly limited to young white women of certain socioeconomic classes. (Of course, as time progresses, eating disorders are becoming more common across gender, racial, and class lines). I was baffled that she even asked me that question; it seemed like something a nosy social worker would ask! But she did have a point. In
The fact that I look white, I believe, had a lot to do with my eating disorder. I looked up to stick-thin white women, believing that I could look like them if only I tried. My more Hispanic looking and Black friends generally looked up to more voluptuous feminine icons, and so maybe they felt it was fruitless to try to look like a thin white woman when there were obvious physical limitations. Given my phenotype, it was possible for me to look like a model if I tried. Interestingly enough, in the major throes of my anorexia, I adored the artist Aaliyah, and very badly wanted to look like her. So some aspects of my eating disorder were so thoroughly gendered that I didn’t care what the ethnicity of the woman in question was, just how “perfect” her body was.
As far as I can remember, I wanted straight blonde hair. I hated the fact that my hair was thick, curly and black. I had pale white skin, green eyes, freckles, and an afro. It didn’t exactly fit the image of what a White woman or a Hispanic woman looked like. I guess I thought that since I wasn’t going to “look Mexican” anytime soon, I could try and look white and be successful. This meant straightening my hair, bleaching it, and having an eating disorder.
There is so much about eating disorders that is so incredibly complex. They have ties with gender, sexuality, class, biochemistry, psychology, culture, media, family dynamics, addiction, and so on. Most people do not notice how much they also have to do with race and notions of race. I was not even aware of something so obvious until it was pointed out to me. I am glad that doctor asked me that question.
Hello,
I am a rising Sophomore at the College of William and Mary and I have been working on examining the correlation of race and eating disorders within the United States through a research grant provided by the College and along with a guiding faculty member. I am trying to answer the question of why it is that white women are more likely to suffer (or to be diagnosed with disordered eating patterns) from anorexia and bulimia than black woman. Do the reasons for these eating patterns stem from the media, socioeconomics, differences in racial feminist perspectives, culture, or some other unidentified underlying reason all together. I am hoping to discuss this very personal and very touchy subject with medical professionals and high school clinicians in the Hampton Roads, VA area as well as look at media, memoirs, and previous studies on the issue of why it is that the majority of women whom suffer from eating disorders are white. I will present my findings to the school at large upon returning to campus in the fall. Therefore any resources, guidance, contacts, or just overall support that you could pass along my way would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much,
Emily McMillen
elmcmillen {at} wm(.)edu
757-350-0474
Hi.
I can totally understand where you are are coming from. I used to be bulimic and now I have binges like a few times a week. How are you doing now? Are you still binging? You know so many women have this, even men, you would never have guessed and most people don’t understand and are rude about it.
Hello Keren! Thank you so much for your comment. I don’t binge anymore, and I haven’t for years. I do have eating issues, though, which is different from an eating disorder. I think I “burned myself out” on making food, as I used to be so anal and precise, like a scientist in a lab over my food intake, that I grew so weary of it and now I don’t care. So I pretty much eat what I like and try to watch the portions. Also, I get so annoyed at having to cook, because as an American, one’s life can get so busy, that cooking seems like an imposition on your precious time! But cooking and eating are so essential to humans and human culture that I try to not let this get in my way. I don’t like cooking - my Mom used to try to teach me because I was a girl and I hated it. And then my eating disorder burned me out. I’ve been going through a very interesting, windy, even religious process, trying to figure out what foods I actually like to eat! It has been fun but also very frustrating.
I would never wish an eating disorder on anyone, as it gets in your mind and you obsess about every little infraction or possible infraction.
Also, and this is a big deal for most women. Is even when I had an eating disorder and was undoubtedly thin, I was still told by well-meaning people and some malicious ones that I could still stand to lose a few pounds or that I was “voluptuous.” That one drove me crazy. I mean, I was busting ass trying to look thin and I still got those comments. It made me feel that I shouldn’t even try. Now, that I’m actually overweight and trying to lose weight, I realize that a lot of people seriously have some body distortion issues. So, when I am in a healthy range for my height, I know now to ignore those comments - because they are not about health but aesthetics.